Wednesdaybusiness 5/8/13

This week I read every single Nü52 release. It made my head hurt. I'm not going to review them all, because bleargh.

You guys, I really never thought I'd become such a Marvel person.

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Astonishing X-Men #62 by Marjorie Liu and Gabriel Hernandez Walta

Gonna' start off on a bit of a low note this week.

The tagline for this issue was "Iceman is changed after his multi-dimensional ordeal. What aftershocks will this have in his life?" Well, apparently these aftershocks include feeling up Mystique without her consent, and harassing all his ex-girlfriends. I guess this is all happening unconsciously or something, but I don't think that's a very good excuse.

The issue ends with a cut-away to some Avengers playing cards, and Thor suddenly goes catatonic and starts mumbling about the Fimbulvinter, so maybe Iceman is going to go all Omega-Level again and try to end all life on Earth? Frankly, after he acted all rapey in this issue, I'd like to see some superheroes knock him around.

This is not how superheroes should behave. Do I need to have a sit-down with every single comics writer?

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Avengers #11 by Jonathan Hickman and Mike Deodato

I know it's still a bit early, but this MAY be my favorite single issue of the year.

Apparently A.I.M. is holding a secret super-weapon sale at a casino in China, and a group of Avengers attempt to infiltrate in their civilian identities to find out who the buyers are and confiscate said super-weapon. The story jumps between each Avenger and their various methods, and oh man it's so much fun.

Captain Marvel gets dealt into a poker game and tries to bluff some evil super-scientists. Cannonball and Sunspot hit the craps table, and end up befriending some rank-and-file A.I.M. beekeeper-goons. Spider-Woman and Black Widow start covertly grabbing people to interrogate, but then can't decide whether torture is okay or not; Black Widow is for, Spider-Woman is against. And Shang-Chi ends up fighting a shitload of ninjas, because OF COURSE HE DOES.

There is not a single thing in this comic that didn't make me nerd the heck out. I literally read it three times in a row. I love that Marvel NOW! is focusing so heavily on A.I.M. as they are totally my favorite villain group; They can function as funny or scary, sometimes in the exact same story. I love the character studies presented here. I love that we're being given a break from the beautiful-but-complicated storyline to spend some time relaxing in a casino. I love the art. I love the writing. I love anything with Shang-Chi in it, because he is the motherfucking Master of Kung-Fu.

If you're wandering into a comic shop any time soon, buy this issue. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

It was hard to pick just one highlight, but I really loved Doug, the snippy A.I.M. Agent.

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Avengers Arena #9 by Dennis Hopeless and Kev Walker

It strikes me as a bit odd that this comic is becoming mostly about the kids from The Braddock Academy, since they were the characters invented solely for this comic and thus the ones I expected to get killed off first. Instead it's the well-established characters who are getting iced, and these new British kids who are dominating the storyline. I don't really mind; It's just a little surprising. I can imagine that when you create brand-new characters, you would sort of hope that they get a long life in their comic book universe.

Anyway, in this issue the kids keep killing eachother. Chase is still running around as Darkhawk, which is making a lot of fans really angry apparently. The real Darkhawk is still missing: Maybe dead? Nico and X-23 are still trying to keep the peace, but are mostly failing. Kev Walker is still killing it on the artwork.

This remains a comic that I can't look away from, even when it's mercilessly killing off characters that I like.

I just really hope Nico survives this thing.

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Avengers Assemble #15(AU) by Al Ewing and Butch Guice

Oh, dear, another Age of Ultron tie-in story. I figured we'd be done with these, since last week's AoU issue was all about how this reality no longer exists, but I guess release schedules are getting us again.

This one takes place in London, with Captain Marvel helping out the remnants of MI:13 with... y'know... the whole Ultron thing.

Now, Captain Britain and MI:13 was one of my favorite comics of the last decade, and because of its unfortunate cancellation I was geeked to see some of the characters in ANY comic, in ANY reality, even this crappy one. I personally think that Faiza Hussain should be a member of the Avengers by this point; She wields the actual Excalibur for fuck's sake!

So in some ways this issue felt like a reunion with some old friends. However, it's an Age of Ultron tie-in, so most of those old friends are getting murdered horribly. Yeah.

Here's Captain Marvel dying. This crossover is no fun.

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Batman and Robin Red Hood #20 by Peter J. Tomasi, Patrick Gleason, and Cliff Richards

I'm really enjoying the whole idea that Batman lost his son, so now instead of his usual heroic insane, he's getting scary insane.

Ostensibly, he's taken Jason Todd along with him on a mission to maim and cripple the entire group of snipers responsible for Damian's death. But his ulterior motive is to get Jason to the exact spot where the Joker beat him to death with a crowbar, in the hopes that the trauma will conjure up some kind of memory of how he came back to life. This obviously sets off some triggers in Jason, and he - appropriately, in my opinion - beats the shit out of Batman, steals the Batmobile, and peaces out.

It's refreshing that this particular series just straight-up has nothing to do with the Nü52. I don't quite know how or why it dodged that particular bullet, but it's just plugging along like no reboot ever happened. Even despite getting renumbered, everything feels like it's in the DC Universe that I know and love. I hope it stays that way.

Also of note, Carrie Kelly has actually stuck around. In my review of last month's issue, I totally thought she was just a boneheaded gimmick for DC's fold-out cover promotion. However, in this issue Alfred has hired her on as Bruce Wayne's dog-walker, which makes me feel like she's actually being established as a supporting character. Whether she'll end up becoming Robin or not remains to be seen, but it's nice that it wasn't just the throw-away fan-pandering I thought it was.

Scary Batman is Scary.

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Constantine #3 by Jeff Lemire, Ray Fawkes, and Renato Guedes

This remains a solid little comic about John Constantine. It still needs more swearing, and not calling it Hellblazer is a totally wimpy move, but I'm enjoying it.

Seriously, just call it Hellblazer, you wimps.

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Deathstroke #20 by Tony Bedard, Justin Jordan, and Edgar Salazar

Apparently in the Nü52 they've retconned Jericho - who, and I know it's an odd choice, has always been my favorite Teen Titan - into a murderous supervillain. Also, apparently Mr. Majestic exists in the Nü52? I didn't even realize he was one of the Wildstorm characters that got folded into the new universe: I always thought he was an Image Comics character.

Anyway, Jericho has possessed the body of Mr. Majestic and is trying to kill his whole family, or something? And some of The Ravagers are there to stop him even though their book totally got cancelled this same week.

I dunno'. I only mention all this because it was kind of weird. Whatever.

I legit can't even identify most of the characters in this comic.

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Fearless Defenders #4 by Cullen Bunn and Will Sliney

I'm still having a hard time getting into this series. I really want to, as I love a lot of the characters in this thing. And it's funny at times, and has decent action. It's just... It all feels weirdly forced.

Bottom line, I guess, is that it's a Girl Power book being written and drawn by dudes, so it all sort of rings vaguely false.

Wha-Krash, I suppose.

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Justice League of America #3 by Geoff Johns and David Finch

So this issue was supposed to come out before Catwoman #19, I guess, but that comic came out almost a month ago. So the whole plot of this issue, including the teaser cover (which was supposed to be an April thing) is totally spoiled already if you actually keep up with this shit.

Ed Brubaker jokes pretty frequently on his Twitter about how he and Darwyn Cooke tried really hard to create a less sexualized, more functional costume for Catwoman, yet ever since they left she's been forgetting to zip the darned thing up. That's pretty apparent in this comic, where her breasts threaten to overwhelm the entire issue.

A few other brief notes:

• The Justice League of America fought robot versions of the Justice League in this issue for no apparent reason at all.
• It's really awkward when characters actually refer to the Justice League Dark in a sentence.
• Stargirl is actually kind of awesome in this comic.
• I still ragebarf whenever I see the tall, skinny Amanda Waller.

This was the only panel of this comic I actively enjoyed.

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Secret Avengers #4 by Nick Spencer and Luke Ross

While I'm still not 100% behind the idea of a group of Avengers volunteering to be mind-wiped after every mission, this comic is pretty fun. It has clever dialog, plenty of action, and a lot of A.I.M. stuff, which - as I established earlier - I am a huge fan of.

This book does a good job of being a movie tie-in book without screaming MOVIE TIE-IN at you. It's got Agent Coulson and Maria Hill, but Quake is still the official director of S.H.I.E.L.D. It worked in the Iron Patriot armor, but not in any way similar to Iron Man 3. It's pretty well-done while still being a comic people can pick up and say I KNOW DESE GUYZ FROM DAT MOVIE!

In this issue, Bruce Banner joins the team to Hulksmash a ton of robots, while Nick Fury Junior leads a small team to attempt to assassinate A.I.M.'s Scientist Supreme. It's fun.

I get happy every time I see the words "A.I.M. Island".

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Uncanny Avengers #8 by Rick Remender and Daniel Acuña

I am literally just going to copy/paste what I said about the previous issue:

This issue is a bit of a toss-up for me, personally. On the one hand, it's sort of being billed at the forefront of Marvel NOW! and yet would be completely, utterly baffling to a new reader. On the other hand, it's continuing the storyline from Remender's Uncanny X-Force run, which is one of my favorite comics from the last ten years.

It basically seems like this storyline will be very rewarding to anybody who followed several years worth of the author's previous work, but will severely alienate anybody who didn't. So it's good, while also not good? I don't know how to feel about it.

The writing's solid, though, and Acuña's art is REALLY pretty.

There isn't much more to say. If you didn't read Uncanny X-Force this book would make zero sense, but if you did, it's pretty great.

Acuña's art is really nice to look at, whether you know what's going on or not.

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Uncanny X-Force #4 by Sam Humphries and Ron Garney

As much as I rave about Rick Remender's Uncanny X-Force, I wouldn't really recommend this iteration. It's basically a bunch of my favorite X-Men doing a whole lotta' nothing.

At one point Storm zapped Bishop with a big lightning bold and he started talking some sense, so maybe Bishop will finally go back to the way I like him instead of being a fanged, snarling beast-man?

I dunno'.

I thought this was kind of a nice moment.

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Wolverine #3 by Paul Cornell and Alan Davis

I love Paul Cornell and Alan Davis. This comic is pretty fantastic. The plot is hard to describe beyond the idea that it's building up to some sort of big cosmic something. Also the writing is so self-aware that it runs the risk of becoming a sentient entity.

It's also the only comic addressing the fact that Nick Fury Junior has only been in the superhero business for like three months, which is fun.

"You DON'T know what The Watcher means."

FREE COMIC BOOK DAY 2013

ZOMG you guys, it's FREE COMIC BOOK DAY!

For serious, folks, this is one of the only holidays I'm orthodox about.

Money's a little tight this year, so I'll likely just hit my usual haunt, Chris' Cards and Comics and grab some free swag (and buy a little something too. You should always buy something on Free Comic Book Day!). I was hoping to do something a bit more epic, but there's always next year.

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In 2012, I played a weekend's worth of rap shows with my nerdy homies, and gave away something like 150 free comics.

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In 2011, my wife and I drove up and down the New England Seacoast, hitting as many sales as we could, and searching for an elusive and exclusive Heroclix figure.

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In 2010, my buddy/super-famous artist Collin David drove out from NY and we had some zany comic-store adventures, made a lot of bad jokes, ate a lot of sushi, and got sunburns. You can read his writeup of the day here on Collectors Quest.

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In 2009, my friend Jess came out to visit, and we tried very hard not to spend all our money, though I failed a little bit. Also, 2009 was the last year that I threw one of my epic digital parties in the sadly-departed world of City of Heroes. This was a tradition for 3 years straight, and it was always a lot of fun. I still miss coming up with ideas for silly contests and stuff.

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2008 was the first year I really explored the comic store scene where I live. Since moving out here, I had become an online-ordering type, and really was feeling the need to dig into some brick-and-mortar comic shops again. So I went to... ALL OF THEM. And then saw the first Iron Man movie in the theater with my wife. It was a good time. I made a brief post about it on my old blog.

  

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What are some adventures you've had on FCBD? If you aren't having adventures, you're doing it wrong.

Wednesdaybusiness 5/1/13

Okay. Comics. Yeah.

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Age of Ultron #7 by Brian Michael Bendis, Brandon Peterson, and Carlos Pacheco

Okay. I guess I'll come right out and say it. This isn't easy for me, you guys. Give me a second.

Alright. Here we go:

I liked this one.

Wolverine and Sue Storm went back in time and killed Hank Pym before he could build Ultron, thus preventing... the Age of Ultron, I guess. Now they've returned to the present, where of course everything and everyone is massively different and sporting some gnarly new costumes, which is frankly what I EXPECT from something with "Age of..." in the title. The Defenders of this new reality show up and kick the hell out of the two newly-displaced heroes, and then a creepy Iron Man shows up with a massive army of robots.

I don't really know where Ultron is during all of this, or if they successfully removed him from existence (making this the Age of Not-Ultron I guess), but things actually happened and we got a little glimpse of fun and colors in this issue, which is a HUGE departure for this series. Frankly, if the book had started with #6, I probably would be hailing it as a really fun crossover event.

There, I said it.

I hope they don't whiz it, but I hear Neil Gaiman's on his way, so...

"Oh no! We succeeded! It's terrible!"

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All-New X-Men #11 by Brian Michael Bendis and Stuart Immonen

"Which of the All-New X-Men will join Cyclops' mutant revolution?" It's Angel. Sorry. But he was one of the Uncanny X-Men in the last issue of that title. It's weird when release schedules blow a Big Reveal, but I guess that's what they get for having multiple comics about the exact same characters.

Most of the issue is taken up by a big fight between the two X-Men teams: Wolverine and the Jean Grey School staff versus Cyclops and the Xavier School staff. You know, if my highschool had violent showdowns with the teachers from our "rival" school, I would have actually cared about highschool. Instead we just got sports, which is BULLSHIT.

Young Jean Grey tries to start mentally commanding people, but she gets shut down by the Stepford Cuckoos. Later, Kitty Pryde sits her down for a "It's not right to force people to do things without their consent" speech, and seriously, HUGE props to Bendis for including that. In the current rape-filled comics climate, it was GREAT to see a few pages devoted to a conversation like that. Kitty even busted out Spidey's "With great power comes great responsibility" line. Afterwards they hugged it out.

Then everyone got into a plane to go fight Mystique. I like this comic.

You'd think he's stop attacking Magneto, but nope.

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Animal Man #20 by Jeff Lemire and John Paul Leon

I can't comment on the story at all here, as I haven't read the first 19 issues so nothing made any sense at all. Not a complaint, just a fact: This isn't a good jumping-on point, and that's not its fault.

However, I did want to point out that this book is doing its absolute damnedest to look exactly like David Aja's work on Hawkeye. Like... EXACTLY like it.

Hawkguy? Why you in DC, Hawkguy?

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Aquaman #19 by Geoff Johns and Paul Pelletier

I've been very leery of this book, since everyone seems to describe it as the first book to ever make Aquaman "cool". I've always though Aquaman was plenty cool, thanks. Not every hero needs to be a badass; Aquaman was at his best in the old days, riding a seahorse around.

In this issue, they've retconned Topo - Aquaman's bow-and-arrow-firing, musical octopus pal, into some sort of giant tentacled crab monster. That's just not okay. Thankfully, he has to summon Topo with a goofy conch shell that he somehow blows into underwater, so at least it's still failing to be cool no matter how hard it tries. Aquaman is uncool and we like it that way.

As for the actual plot... It was pretty good. I don't really care too much about any of it, but it was well-written, had some action, and seems to have enough stuff going on to warrant the idea that the king of the ocean would be a busy dude.

But I can't get over the Topo thing. C'mon now, Nü52.

TOTALLY SERIOUS AND COOL.

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 Dial H #12 by China Miéville, Alberto Ponticelli, and Dan Green

There's a lot going on in this book, so I can't really say much more than what I said last month when I first got caught up on it:

This comic is delightfully strange. It takes a high concept that I've always loved - a rotary telephone dial that can turn anybody into a seemingly random superhero - pulls it from the realm of Silver Age wackiness, and gives it a decidedly 1980s Vertigo feeling. The crazy Brian Bolland covers only add to that bit of Animal Man nostalgia for me.

The book is too oddball for me to summarize without spoiling all the twists and turns it's taken, but suffice it to say that it has my heartiest endorsement. This is the first thing from the Nü52 that I've considered genuinely GOOD, and not just good-for-the-Nü52.

I will say that when Open-Window Man yelled "DEFENESTRATION PUNCH!" and knocked all the baddies out of the building, it made me really happy.

If you've been going around saying that DC has absolutely no good comics right now, you should check this one out. It is like finding a diamond in somebody's garbage.

<3

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Hawkeye #10 by Matt Fraction and Francesco Francavilla

This issue provides the backstory of Janek, a new villain who I will henceforth be referring to as The-Bastard-Who-Shot-Grills. The-Bastard-Who-Shot-Grills is apparently an assassin working for the Tracksuit Draculas, and has a deeply troubled past. The-Bastard-Who-Shot-Grills is also apparently putting the moves on Kate Hawkeye-not-the-Hawkguy in their civilian identities, and that is troubling.

I'm eager to see where this is headed, but in all honesty, The-Bastard-Who-Shot-Grills seems a little too dark for this book. He has the air of a Daredevil villain about him. But I'm along for the ride now.

This issue was illustrated by Francesco Francavilla, who is a tremendous artist. While I admire that this series is trying to maintain a consistent look, I also sort of with they'd have just let him go wild.

Spoiler: He's not doing very well.

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Indestructible Hulk #7 by Mark Waid and Walter Simonson

Oh man, this comic's fun.

Bruce Banner and his team have apparently not only traveled to the mythical land of Jǫtunheimr, but also to its PAST. That's why Thor is acting like he's never seen Hulk before. Also, the big cliffhanger from last issue, showing Hulk wielding Thor's hammer? Turns out that he just grabbed it as Thor was summoning it back to him, and Hulk just went flying along with it.

Meanwhile, the Frost Giants are trying to get through the portal that Banner's team left open, so S.H.I.E.L.D. had to close it. Now Banner and his team are stranded in the past AND in Jǫtunheimr, with a goofball Thor who hasn't been sent to Earth to be humbled yet, and one of Banner's team of scientists has confessed to him that she intends to commit suicide via Hulk.

Simonson's art is predictably excellent. If I was writing a story with Thor and Frost Giants, there is absolutely nobody else I would want drawing it.

It's an old joke, but I still laughed.

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Iron Man #9 by Kieron Gillen and Dale Eaglesham

This is a comic about Iron Man and Death's Head teaming up to chase a genocidal robot across space. It turns out that the genocidal robot was friends with Iron Man's dad. If this is not appealing to you, then you probably need to take a nap.

Death's Head: The last living reminder that The Transformers used to be Marvel characters.

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Iron Man #258.1 by David Michelinie, Dave Ross, and Bob Layton

This is a really odd one. Apparently, this will be an entire miniseries set within the confines of 1990's Iron Man #258 - the beginning of the Armor Wars II storyline - written and drawn by the original artists from that period.

I assume this is meant as a bit of a tie-in to the new movie, though a reprint of Warren Ellis' Extremis storyline would probably be more apt.

At any rate, I've read Armor Wars but not Armor Wars II, and was 7 years old when it came out, so I have very little idea of what's going on.

However, the one thing that is really fun about this comic is that the pencils, inks, and dialogue (though not the coloring or lettering) are straight out of 1990. I don't know if it's an intentional move, or if it's just how these guys write and draw still, but it's a bit of nostalgic fun. It's also the first comic I've seen in years that has actual thought-bubbles, which are mostly a dead piece of comic narrative.

Yep.

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The Movement #1 by Gail Simone and Freddie Williams II 

This is honestly the kind of thing I'd like to see more of in the Nü52: a brand-new corner of the DC Universe with a brand-new cast of characters. It's too early to say if this comic is going to go anywhere, or simply get cancelled after four or five issues like so many other Nü52 books have before it, but I'll be following it closely. This seems like exactly the type of oddball book Gail Simone excels at.

Also, it has a distinct Fuck The Police bent so far, which I can totally get behind.

Alright, then.

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Red She-Hulk #65 by Jeff Parker, Carlo Pagulayan, Ray-Anthony Height, and Wellington Alves

Betty goes inside of a computer and fights a villain with the power of Ultron and the combined intellect of Ultron, Dr. Doom, Loki, and the Red Skull. He's called The Yologarch, and it appears he's somehow escaped the computer and is now running around the Marvel Universe Proper.

The next issue promises Man-Thing and regular She-Hulk. I am so in love with this comic, you guys.

Great villain, or GREATEST VILLAIN?

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Superior Spider-Man #9 by Dan Slott and Ryan Stegman

Boy. This issue is going to ruffle some feathers. Doc Ock has discovered that Peter Parker's consciousness is still in his head, so he goes inside his own mind to fight him. And seemingly wins.

Pretty high-stakes stuff when the Nerdosphere is already totally hostile to your comic. But I admire it. It's pushing the old mind-switch trope to a thoroughly epic extreme, and I'm really enjoying it.

I sort of wouldn't mind if this was the comic that finally got all the rageboner nerdlings to finally give up on comics. In fact... I'd probably applaud it for that.

Nothing interesting to say here, I just thought it was a great moment.

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Swamp Thing #20 by Charles Soule and Kano

In some ways, this was a really good comic. The idea of the Swamp Thing getting a dose of Scarecrow's fear gas and going on a rampage through Metropolis is great stuff, and it was well-executed. But I just can't get over the Nü52 thing. I'm sorry, I really can't. All the dialogue between Swamp Thing and Superman is about how new they are at their jobs, and it's just weird.

I've actually seen some nasty things written about this blog on messageboards because I'm still so aggressive towards the Nü52 after all this time, and how I need to just get used to it and whatever, but I genuinely can't. Even when I read one of their comics that is good - and this one was definitely good - I still feel like I'm reading some alternate universe story and things will eventually go back to making sense to me again. All this stuff about The Green and The Red, the kneepads on Superman, the idea of a newbie Swamp Thing... It's all way too foreign for me to appreciate as anything other than a novelty. So flame away, I guess, but understand that I am trying here.

Heat vision n00b is such a n00b.

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Thanos Rising #2 by Jason Aaron and Simone Bianchi

In this issue of The Adventures of Lil' Thanos, we get to see The Mad Titan's awkward teenage years. That's a comic people were begging for, right?

Anyway, his teenage years mostly consisted of killing people. Not terribly surprising?

So far this series hasn't told us anything new about Thanos, to my knowledge. He is the son A'Lars, Mentor of Titan. He's the brother of Eros, the Avenger known as Starfox. He was born to the Eternals, but carries the genes of the Deviants, thus leading to his strange appearance and withdrawn youth. At an early age he developed a fascination with death, first the concept, then the actual living personification of said concept, who he later attempted to court by killing half of the universe. This is all stuff we already knew years ago.

All I can think is that they're doing this miniseries to explain who the fuck the purple guy at the end of the Avengers movie was. But it doesn't seem totally necessary to show us his entire childhood if it can still be summed up in one paragraph.

Teenagers, AMIRITE?

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World's Finest #12 by Paul Levitz, Kevin Maguire, Geraldo Borges, and Robson Rocha.

To be completely frank, I only picked this comic up because the first few pages were illustrated by Kevin Maguire. I love his art so much.

But... it's wasted on a scene of attempted rape, because OF COURSE IT WAS. You can't have a Nü52 comic without some sort of sexual assault at least every three issues: It's an editorial mandate.

So we get Desaad trying to rape Power Girl while disguised as Mister Terrific. But it's not the Desaad from the past 40 years, who is a terrifying little man, obsessed with pain, and Darkseid's lead torturer. Nope, the Nü52 Desaad is just a generic demon-thing.

I don't know where the rest of the story went because I stopped reading. To hell with the Nü52 and its one storytelling tactic.

Yeah, Karen's hit a new low. Because rape is always the woman's fault. SMH.